My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
