You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
