Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
