I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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