Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
