new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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