Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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