Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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