All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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