I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
