On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
