I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
