Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
