you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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