So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
