omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
