And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
