Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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