i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
