Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
