i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
