we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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