Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
