im six kinds of drunk right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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