I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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