Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
