The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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