Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
