the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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