You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
