do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
