Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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