wakey wakey hands off snakey
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
