Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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