My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
