I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
