Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
