lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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