please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
