I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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