Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
