There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
