I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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