i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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