I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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