did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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