You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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