Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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