So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
