i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
