I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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