Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
this hospital has no fireball
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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