You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
