I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am puke
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
