You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
