Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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