Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
