Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
