Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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