so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
