at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
