it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
