a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
