once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
