oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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