Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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