My liver just broke up with me...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
