the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
