A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
