as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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