3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
