I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
