I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
