Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
