I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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