hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
