my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize