my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
