people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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