P.S. I can't hear my feet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
