shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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