I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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