I'm pants shitting drunk right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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